Old Cheese, New Sleaze
March 23rd 2008 19:53
Well, I almost didn't have much to write about this week. Then, BOOM. Let's start at the beginning.
First, I dusted off a pair of flicks: one that I used to loooovve, and one that I barely remember. Did they hold up?
Waxwork (6/10) & Waxwork 2: Lost In Time (2/10)
Waxwork almost did, but the second installment? Utter shite. In the original Waxwork, a group of young people go to check out a new wax museum that just happened to pop-up in the middle of their suburb. One by one, they are sucked in to the various exhibits, all of which deal with monsters, murderers, etc. It's a neat way for director Anthony Hickox to pay tribute to the past horror movies that he clearly loves, while at the same time bloodying and/or sexy-ing them up for a more modern audience. The gore is pretty over-the-top in several instances, and though it doesn't always look great, it's done in a way that you can't help but have a good time with the set-pieces. Unfortunately, once the "mythology" behind the Waxwork is revealed, it nearly sinks the whole enterprise. Fortunately, once that's out of the way, a battle royale quickly ensues to distract you from that nonsense with more nonsense, but at least it's fun nonsense. David Warner and Patrick Macnee are great in small roles as the owner of the Waxwork and the man who knows his secret, respectively, and Zach Galligan is passable as the hero, Mark - but Deborah Foreman steals the show and melts the screen as Sarah. Her meeting with the Marquis De Sade and a craven prince (played by director Hickox) takes what's otherwise a fun horror-comedy to a whole other level.
Waxwork 2 is again directed and written by Hickox and Zach Galligan is back, too. Deborah Foreman is replaced by Monika Schnarre as Sarah, and that is, sadly, the least of it's problems. The biggest: no Waxworks! In this one, Mark and Sarah run around (through time...and space - don't ask) trying to collect artifacts that will prove they're not batsh-t crazy in their recollections of the first movie's events. This one's so bad that a cameo by Bruce Campell doesn't even help. The only thing remotely worth watching is the rap video featuring the stars that plays over the end credits, which is funnier than anything in either Waxwork.
So, I was debating if it was even worth posting those reviews, when BOOM...some f-cknut slammed in to the back of my car while I was minding my own business at a red light. After getting good and drunk, then waking up to deal with insurance co.'s all morning, I knew there was only one thing that could cheer me up...a trip to the movies. And I know every one hated it, but I had a hell of a good time with
Doomsday (7/10)
Wow. I'd say it needs to be seen to be believed, but I saw it, and I sure don't believe it. Much like Rambo, this is a solid, hard-R action movie, and it sprays the gore around with wild abandon. Sure, there are a ton of plot holes; and no, it doesn't make much goddamned sense, but sometimes it feels good to say, "F-ck it" and plant your tired, aching ass in a seat and just go with it. And it's quite a ride. In Doomsday, Scotland has been ravaged by a disease that makes folks all oozy called the "Reaper Virus." So England does the reasonable thing and just walls Scotland right the f-ck up. Out of sight, out of mind right? Not exactly - the "Reaper" rears its ugly, oozy head in London and the best idea seems to be to send Rhona Mitra's Major Sinclair and her team over the wall into Scotland to find survivors and, hopefully, a cure. First, they find a bunch of Road Warrior-style punks who capture the members of the team that they don't kill right off.
The punks are also cannibals (therefore they play Fine Young Cannibals, naturally), and, after a great deal of bloodshed, our heroes are back on their mission and in search of a scientist (played by Malcolm McDowell) who was working on a cure, but was trapped behind the wall in the quarantine. Things just keep getting weirder leading up to a brutal gladiator-style battle between Sinclair and an immense Black Knight (more Holy Grail-y than Martin Lawrence-y). Sound silly? You bet it is. I haven't even gotten to the part where they discover a gassed-up (and awesome) Bentley in perfect condition, along with a crate of ready-to-use cellphones. It all culminates in an outstanding car chase backed by Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Two Tribes." The film is certainly indebted to many of the post-apocalyptic thrillers that came before it, like Escape From New York, 28 Days/Weeks Later, and the aforementioned Mad Max films. It's nice and grimy, feels "real" as opposed to the CGI nightmares of late, and wouldn't be out of place alongside the recent Grindhouse films. Personally, I liked director Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers okay, but I thought The Descent was wildly overrated. He's definitely won me over with this splattery mess, though. All-in-all, Doomsday saved the day, and I was all smiles as I exited the theatre, until I saw my smashed-up car waiting patiently for me in the parking lot.
First, I dusted off a pair of flicks: one that I used to loooovve, and one that I barely remember. Did they hold up?
Waxwork (6/10) & Waxwork 2: Lost In Time (2/10)
Waxwork almost did, but the second installment? Utter shite. In the original Waxwork, a group of young people go to check out a new wax museum that just happened to pop-up in the middle of their suburb. One by one, they are sucked in to the various exhibits, all of which deal with monsters, murderers, etc. It's a neat way for director Anthony Hickox to pay tribute to the past horror movies that he clearly loves, while at the same time bloodying and/or sexy-ing them up for a more modern audience. The gore is pretty over-the-top in several instances, and though it doesn't always look great, it's done in a way that you can't help but have a good time with the set-pieces. Unfortunately, once the "mythology" behind the Waxwork is revealed, it nearly sinks the whole enterprise. Fortunately, once that's out of the way, a battle royale quickly ensues to distract you from that nonsense with more nonsense, but at least it's fun nonsense. David Warner and Patrick Macnee are great in small roles as the owner of the Waxwork and the man who knows his secret, respectively, and Zach Galligan is passable as the hero, Mark - but Deborah Foreman steals the show and melts the screen as Sarah. Her meeting with the Marquis De Sade and a craven prince (played by director Hickox) takes what's otherwise a fun horror-comedy to a whole other level.
Waxwork 2 is again directed and written by Hickox and Zach Galligan is back, too. Deborah Foreman is replaced by Monika Schnarre as Sarah, and that is, sadly, the least of it's problems. The biggest: no Waxworks! In this one, Mark and Sarah run around (through time...and space - don't ask) trying to collect artifacts that will prove they're not batsh-t crazy in their recollections of the first movie's events. This one's so bad that a cameo by Bruce Campell doesn't even help. The only thing remotely worth watching is the rap video featuring the stars that plays over the end credits, which is funnier than anything in either Waxwork.
So, I was debating if it was even worth posting those reviews, when BOOM...some f-cknut slammed in to the back of my car while I was minding my own business at a red light. After getting good and drunk, then waking up to deal with insurance co.'s all morning, I knew there was only one thing that could cheer me up...a trip to the movies. And I know every one hated it, but I had a hell of a good time with
Doomsday (7/10)
Wow. I'd say it needs to be seen to be believed, but I saw it, and I sure don't believe it. Much like Rambo, this is a solid, hard-R action movie, and it sprays the gore around with wild abandon. Sure, there are a ton of plot holes; and no, it doesn't make much goddamned sense, but sometimes it feels good to say, "F-ck it" and plant your tired, aching ass in a seat and just go with it. And it's quite a ride. In Doomsday, Scotland has been ravaged by a disease that makes folks all oozy called the "Reaper Virus." So England does the reasonable thing and just walls Scotland right the f-ck up. Out of sight, out of mind right? Not exactly - the "Reaper" rears its ugly, oozy head in London and the best idea seems to be to send Rhona Mitra's Major Sinclair and her team over the wall into Scotland to find survivors and, hopefully, a cure. First, they find a bunch of Road Warrior-style punks who capture the members of the team that they don't kill right off.
The punks are also cannibals (therefore they play Fine Young Cannibals, naturally), and, after a great deal of bloodshed, our heroes are back on their mission and in search of a scientist (played by Malcolm McDowell) who was working on a cure, but was trapped behind the wall in the quarantine. Things just keep getting weirder leading up to a brutal gladiator-style battle between Sinclair and an immense Black Knight (more Holy Grail-y than Martin Lawrence-y). Sound silly? You bet it is. I haven't even gotten to the part where they discover a gassed-up (and awesome) Bentley in perfect condition, along with a crate of ready-to-use cellphones. It all culminates in an outstanding car chase backed by Frankie Goes To Hollywood's "Two Tribes." The film is certainly indebted to many of the post-apocalyptic thrillers that came before it, like Escape From New York, 28 Days/Weeks Later, and the aforementioned Mad Max films. It's nice and grimy, feels "real" as opposed to the CGI nightmares of late, and wouldn't be out of place alongside the recent Grindhouse films. Personally, I liked director Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers okay, but I thought The Descent was wildly overrated. He's definitely won me over with this splattery mess, though. All-in-all, Doomsday saved the day, and I was all smiles as I exited the theatre, until I saw my smashed-up car waiting patiently for me in the parking lot.
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