Girls on film
February 25th 2008 16:07
That is, girls who are better known for their tv work and a truly disturbing film with "Girl" in the title.
Didn't I say I wasn't going to do this anymore? Didn't I just say it a couple of weeks ago? Sh-t.
The Air I Breathe (3/10)
is one of two ways I wasted 90 minutes of my life this week because, once upon a time, I liked an actress on a tv show. There's a lot of talent in front of the camera on this one (Forest Whitaker, Kevin Bacon, Andy Garcia, Julie Delpy, etc.) but, sadly, they're all given sh-t to work with courtesy of writer-director Jieho Lee (who earns the distinction of being my current least favorite director solely on the basis of this film). When I read the description "A drama based on an ancient Chinese proverb that breaks life down into four emotional cornerstones: happiness, pleasure, sorrow and love", I was understandably skeptical. The Air I Breathe reminded me of Crash: I didn't like it, and it was composed of separate stories that were forced together by connections that were sometimes tenuous and sometimes just plain silly. But at least Crash was ostensibly about racism. The Air I Breathe is just nonsense about "emotional cornerstones." A mobster named Fingers (Garcia) figures into each of the tales and he's only slightly more interesting than any of the main characters, who each have names during the film but in the end credits are listed as the "emotional cornerstone" that they were supposed to represent. SMG's falling pop star, for example, is named Trista (or maybe Trysta), but she's listed in the credits as "Sorrow." Ugh.
The Air I Breathe may be the only time you'll get to see Forest Whitaker referred to as "Happiness." Did I mention a portion of the story also involves Encino Man as a...gangster. He's got a heart of gold. Oh, and he can see the future (no, really). He's "Pleasure." There's just about none here, though. You got me again, Buffy.
Virgin Territory (5/10)
is a weird little film starring Marissa Coop- I mean, Mischa Barton. Starring might be a strong word for it. Her character, Pampinea, is in it a lot, and is integral to the story, but she just sort of stands around looking pretty while guys try to marry her. The guys are played by Hayden Christensen (what it is with him and my O.C. girls?), Tim Roth (what the f-ck is he doing in this?), and Matthew Rhys (who's actually kind of funny as a Russian count). There are plenty of subplot shenanigans, and they're occasionally humorous, but often not. It feels a little like Virgin Territory is trying to get a Princess Bride-with-boobs thing going (and there are plenty of boobs - none of them Mischa's), but it just can't get off the ground. It also has (what I assume are) purposefully anachronistic bits of dialogue and a modern-day score - neither of which really serve any purpose. Anyway, it's not all bad...just all blah.
On from the "meh", to the "AHHHH!"
The Girl Next Door (7/10)
is a truly, truly disturbing film, and one that I recommend somewhat hesitantly. After their parents die in a car accident, two young girls are sent to live with/taken in by their Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth will make you want to punch her in the face; to a lesser degree, so will her sons and several of the neighborhood kids. If nothing else (and it really isn't much else), The Girl Next Door is a study in how nasty people can be to each other. It's based on a true story, which I guess is the most stomach-churning aspect of the film. I'm amazed that this one got an R-rating, and also by the fact that kids were even allowed on the set. Its proper title is Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door, so be careful when you're Netflix-ing or you might get this,
which is a sh-ttier film, but you'll probably be happier and less sickened by it.
Didn't I say I wasn't going to do this anymore? Didn't I just say it a couple of weeks ago? Sh-t.
The Air I Breathe (3/10)
is one of two ways I wasted 90 minutes of my life this week because, once upon a time, I liked an actress on a tv show. There's a lot of talent in front of the camera on this one (Forest Whitaker, Kevin Bacon, Andy Garcia, Julie Delpy, etc.) but, sadly, they're all given sh-t to work with courtesy of writer-director Jieho Lee (who earns the distinction of being my current least favorite director solely on the basis of this film). When I read the description "A drama based on an ancient Chinese proverb that breaks life down into four emotional cornerstones: happiness, pleasure, sorrow and love", I was understandably skeptical. The Air I Breathe reminded me of Crash: I didn't like it, and it was composed of separate stories that were forced together by connections that were sometimes tenuous and sometimes just plain silly. But at least Crash was ostensibly about racism. The Air I Breathe is just nonsense about "emotional cornerstones." A mobster named Fingers (Garcia) figures into each of the tales and he's only slightly more interesting than any of the main characters, who each have names during the film but in the end credits are listed as the "emotional cornerstone" that they were supposed to represent. SMG's falling pop star, for example, is named Trista (or maybe Trysta), but she's listed in the credits as "Sorrow." Ugh.
The Air I Breathe may be the only time you'll get to see Forest Whitaker referred to as "Happiness." Did I mention a portion of the story also involves Encino Man as a...gangster. He's got a heart of gold. Oh, and he can see the future (no, really). He's "Pleasure." There's just about none here, though. You got me again, Buffy.
Virgin Territory (5/10)
is a weird little film starring Marissa Coop- I mean, Mischa Barton. Starring might be a strong word for it. Her character, Pampinea, is in it a lot, and is integral to the story, but she just sort of stands around looking pretty while guys try to marry her. The guys are played by Hayden Christensen (what it is with him and my O.C. girls?), Tim Roth (what the f-ck is he doing in this?), and Matthew Rhys (who's actually kind of funny as a Russian count). There are plenty of subplot shenanigans, and they're occasionally humorous, but often not. It feels a little like Virgin Territory is trying to get a Princess Bride-with-boobs thing going (and there are plenty of boobs - none of them Mischa's), but it just can't get off the ground. It also has (what I assume are) purposefully anachronistic bits of dialogue and a modern-day score - neither of which really serve any purpose. Anyway, it's not all bad...just all blah.
On from the "meh", to the "AHHHH!"
The Girl Next Door (7/10)
is a truly, truly disturbing film, and one that I recommend somewhat hesitantly. After their parents die in a car accident, two young girls are sent to live with/taken in by their Aunt Ruth. Aunt Ruth will make you want to punch her in the face; to a lesser degree, so will her sons and several of the neighborhood kids. If nothing else (and it really isn't much else), The Girl Next Door is a study in how nasty people can be to each other. It's based on a true story, which I guess is the most stomach-churning aspect of the film. I'm amazed that this one got an R-rating, and also by the fact that kids were even allowed on the set. Its proper title is Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door, so be careful when you're Netflix-ing or you might get this,
which is a sh-ttier film, but you'll probably be happier and less sickened by it.
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Comment by Harry
Sydney Diary
Personals
Brisbane Diarystar
Zoo Parent
Comment by Josh S
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
I haven't been able to get a copy of "Girl Next Door" in Oz yet, but it does sound interesting....hope it's better than the dullness that was "Captivity"
Comment by Josh S
Thanks for the comments!